Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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