After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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