Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
