dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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