some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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