then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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