so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
