Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize