Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
