he wants to bone in the snuggie
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
