The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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