its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
