the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
