It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
