I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
