i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
