I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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