I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
