69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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