i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I love having hate sex.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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