I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
