The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
