Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
