so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
