I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
