Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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