First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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