There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
