At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
