I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
