Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
