We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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