so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
