What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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