made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
