it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
