Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
