He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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