I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
