i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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