after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
