So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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