He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
So. Much. Porn.
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