did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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