with your own penis?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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