Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
