i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
