u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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