Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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