i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
