Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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