No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
