Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
