I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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