The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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