My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
