just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
